Indisputable proof that Cristiano Ronaldo is returning to Manchester United (or not)
"I'm going back to Manchester and this is totally a real quote!" (Getty)
Though
Manchester United fans' crowdfunding campaign to raise the money necessary to pay
Cristiano Ronaldo's
ginormous transfer fee and bring him back to his old club was shut down
last month, the fervent desire to see him return has not dissipated. As
a result, rumors and scraps of out of context information are melded
together and blindly repeated in the hopes that he can be willed back
onto the team.
Here's the latest proof that Cristiano Ronaldo is definitely returning to Man United, if only in the minds of the forlorn journalists and supporters he left behind.
-On Monday,
Paddy Crerand claimed on MUTV that Ronaldo was spotted in Manchester. This quickly spread to Twitter, where pictures of him at the airport were used to confirm the rumor. Pictures like this one...
(Reuters)
-After returning from a lengthy preseason tour of the United States, Ronaldo and
Real Madrid teammates Pepe and Fabio Coentrao were
granted permission to join the Portuguese national team a day late ahead of their friendly against the Netherlands on Wednesday. Fenerbahce's
Bruno Alves,
who played in the Turkish Super Cup the day before, was also given
permission to arrive a day late. This can only mean that Man United are
signing all four players with the help of the Portuguese football
federation. This goes all the way to the top.
-FIFA organized this international date just before the start of the
season (and the end of the transfer window) specifically to give Ronaldo
a chance to sneak off and finalize the deal. Few people know this, but
Ronaldo and FIFA president Sepp Blatter play online poker together every
Thursday night.
-In June, Ronaldo
put his Madrid house up for sale. The buyer? GARETH BALE.
-Sergio Ramos dyed his hair blond specifically to drive Cristiano Ronaldo out of the club. Ronaldo always said that if Ramos did that or if Iker Casillas ever bought a cat, he would leave.
-Manchester United manager David Moyes publicly went after Cesc Fabregas,
a player he knew he could not sign, as a diversion for the top secret
Ronaldo negotiations. Meanwhile, the only thing keeping Real Madrid from
giving Spurs €250 million for Bale is the fact that Moyes initially had
trouble convincing Valencia to surrender his shirt number.
-Wayne Rooney wants to leave Man United because he knows Ronaldo is
coming back and he's jealous. A parody Twitter account claiming to be
his son Kai said so (parody means "super real").
So there you have it. You can't argue any of these facts because they
are all true and/or completely made up. Just accept that Ronaldo is
going back to Man United whether he's actually going to or not and
everything will be fine.
*"...but I think he is going to stay," Mourinho concluded.